Tentang Keberanian

Beberapa hari ini saya sedang terobsesi dengan satu seri novel. Salah satu tema besarnya yang sangat mengena adalah tentang keberanian. Ada satu paragraf di akhir seri yang saya baca,

"There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.

But sometimes it doesn't.

 Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow work toward a better life."

 (Chapter Fifty-Six, Allegiant)

 

Terkadang saya memandang keberanian sebagai sesuatu yang terlalu mewah. Grand. Out of reach. Hanya dicapai oleh orang super, yang sudah berhasil menaklukkan hal-hal besar. Titel berani hanya dikhususkan bagi mereka dan tidak semua orang bisa dipanggil berani. Lalu saya menemukan paragraf ini. Dan bisa jadi penulisnya benar.

Keberanian, sepertinya, tidak harus selalu berarti mengambil langkah spektakuler. Sepertinya, tidak harus dengan menjumpai hal-hal heroik. Terkadang menjalankan rutinitas pun memerlukan keberanian. Dan ketika kita berhasil, bahkan diri kita sendiri tidak mengakui. Menyepelekan. Lalu kecewa karena merasa tidak ada yang bisa dibanggakan. Terkadang kita gagal merekognisi kemampuan kita sendiri. Undervalueing ourselves. Lalu lupa untuk bersyukur.

Atau mungkin kita terlalu sibuk memikirkan bagaimana cara menjadi berani. Tapi saya suatu hari menemukan kutipan prinsip hidup Nelson Mandela.

"Courage is not the absence of fear. And that is how he would describe courage: pretending to be brave. Fearlessness is stupidity. Courage is not letting the fear defeat you."

Bahwa untuk mengatasi ketakutan, tidak diperlukan keberanian yang absolut. Karena ketakutan itu manusiawi. Karena bukan manusia kalau tidak punya rasa takut. Karena ketakutan yang sering kali merasionalkan keputusan. Dan berpura-pura menjadi berani adalah bentuk keberanian. 

Which is the most memorable day you have ever had?

So,
I got a random question on my ask.fm account and figure out that it is better to answer it here.
Here it goes the question,
Which is the most memorable day you have ever had?

Okay, so I have been really wanting to write about this since God knows when. 

I am sorry, it seems to be a super long story. But, I dedicate this story to each of my friends. You, each of you, are huge blessing Allah has ever sent me. May God bless you.

I would prefer to describe it as the most memorable week in my entire life so far. It happened nearly three years ago when I was about to leave for Kuala Lumpur for the first time. I just finished my first ever college exam the week before and had only another week to pack everything up (and say goodbyes). Those days were super hectic with going from one shop to another, getting this and that, visiting the aunts and uncles, and what not.

It was on Monday, January 2, when (I dare say) my oldest friends came to visit. Five of us met in elementary school when we were at second(?) grade, but finally had to go to different high schools after that. It was very hard for us to meet up full-team (it really is still up until now) although we constantly contacted each other. The times when we finally met up, we could spend (literally) the whole day talking at a restaurant, since it's first open until the other chairs were taken on the tables. So when they came altogether, to my place, bringing a pack of spaghetti for us to cook together was really a surprise :')

I seriously am always hard to surprise, but apparently not at the time. Later on that day, a high school friend of mine said she was coming to return my book. I said she could come anytime because I would be at home the whole day. And she did come, with my six other beloved friends and seniors :" 

They are the most beautiful and good-hearted women whom I am blessed enough to be friends with. We met in our school Islamic organization and, again, it's really hard to see them after graduation. I might meet them separately for ice cream treats once in a while, but hardly altogether. We were busy keeping up with uni life, and had them all coming on that day was more than I had ever expected.

The next day, it was my friends from communication studies. They are always the loveliest people to start university life with. We got close as soon as we finished orientation week. And they gave me a beautiful scrap book with lots of our pictures and notes in it. I could not thank God more :')

We had planned to go for studio photo on Wednesday, I and my (so called) high school best-partners-and-friends at the same time. So I was just dressed up while texting them whether it was still on. But apparently they had some stuff to do after, so we cancelled it. It was okay, although I was a bit disappointed (no, honestly, I was sad for that). I would say that they were the friends I would really need to spend time with before flying off.

Out of nowhere, there were knocks on my door and it was them, five of them - together. I was like, how could you all came at the same time? They just laughed. We ended up talking about whatever we wanted to talk about for the rest of the evening, as we usually do every time. We laughed at each other, threw jokes, and talked about those times when we were still running our school organization, solving things up even when we had no clue. Oh, the best part was when they sang to me, with a guitar. Seriously, I cried, it was beautiful, I couldn't describe. I guess the most beautiful surprise comes when we don't expect. I would still tear up whenever I remember that moment :')

Friday was the last two days before I flew for Jakarta and then Kuala Lumpur. So I didn't want to go out and spent as much time at home. My mom asked me to get some cookies or chips, just in case that my other friends would come since they had been coming this past week. And I was like, never mind, it's only four of my junior high school friends coming today. I didn't think I had that many-many friends, and plus, my high school class-mates had promised to accompany me going to the airport. But she insisted, so I went.

And true enough, that day was pretty chaotic (I mean, in a good way). My junior high school friends had said they were coming the other day, so I thought I would only spent time with them. And it was fun and crazy as it always is. Until I heard rumbles of motorcycles, stopping right in front of my house. I forgot how many there were, but they surely fitted more than ten people. My whole high school class mates (the whole bunch of at least fifteen people) came, with an advanced 18th birthday cake and celebration. What? That was more than a surprise :"

So, while I was awkwardly introducing my junior high school friends to them and catching up on what was actually happening, there were other rambles. And yes, they were my batch from communication studies, fourteen of them. So, technically there were more than thirty people flooding up my house at the time. I was starting to get speechless, I didn't get what's happening. I was just so shocked and surprised and flattered and mostly touched at the same time.

I would say 95% of them were presents ;D

Honestly, I never knew how much I was loved before that day. There was always the insecurity that my friends  don't actually care about me as much as I do about them. There was always thoughts that continuously said, I have to be ready to lose them after some time. Because people move on with their lives, it's natural to forget. But that week, especially that day, it was a big blessing. I finally realized how much I was loved, and that's enough. That's enough to make my insecurity invalid :')

It's been almost three years since then. I still have gifts and presents they gave me. They (gifts and presents) were the ultimate things that helped me during the hardest-first-two-weeks-of-home-sickness, they really did. I still save them as reminders, how much I was (and am, still) loved. And I just realized, the thing that made me freaking happy and crying like a baby minutes before I flew was not a mere fact that I got a freaking-full-scholarship-abroad. It was a simple reality that my beloved friends were standing there, at the airport, taking turns to hug me, handing me handmade scrapbooks and pop-ups of us. I never knew they care about me, apparently way more than I do about them. It was overwhelmingly beautiful, I can never forget :')

Friends, wherever you are, I can never thank you more. You, each of you, are a huge blessing Allah has ever sent me. May God always bless you all. May we keep loving each other for Him.

MALEFICENT

Well, if you are expecting a movie review, I should tell you upfront that this isn't one. This post is an ordinary result of me being me, thinking things over and over-thinking of things, after watching such a great movie like Maleficent.

Movies are taken from parts the world's stories which therefore we, as one of the living creatures in the planet, can relate to. They go with very basic issues like needs, greed, hatred, love, and affection. But I don't know whether the world does go crazier lately, or it is just never as simple. Our screens also no longer portray specific characters to divide evils and angels. They start to introduce us to these words called revenge as well as remorse.

I love the fact that on those big screens they start to show how the world actually plays. First, there won't be neither an complete evil nor a perfect holy-angel. There is no such thing as absolute division between bad and good guys. Being very human, each of us has a reason for being, or being called, one of both. A reason. It was like a wake up call for me when I watched this movie. We often forget those things. Those story-line behind the most essential question, "Why does somebody do it?"

Why do I love? Why do you hate? Why does he stop talking to his dad like a shameless ungrateful son? Why does she keep seeing her spoiled boyfriend like a stupid last resort? Most of the time we only hear one side of the story and overlook the other. It brings me to my second point, putting a foot on the other person's shoe. I know that we all know it very well, but the fact is only few know how to do. Or perhaps we know how, but sometimes we forget the proper way of doing it. I like it when this movie depicts the untold story of a famous fairy tale that, all this while, we always believe is an absolute truth. The witch cursed the Sleeping Beauty because of envy and she slept for hundred years. In fact it goes the other way around, upside down. For me, it is like an analogy of revelations I often get after sparing some ears listening to stories from another point of view. Revelations, epiphany. It turns down our judgement, widens our vision: that each of us has stories and they're worth to be listened to.

Yes, people have reasons. Yes, people have stories. But, it still doesn't make a criminal free of charge. Yet it also doesn't close the door of regret for that person. Basically, people can change, isn't it? We understand it well, but sometimes it's easier to deny. I personally do deny, a lot. I like the fact that this movie-makers make it clear to very young people through such story. By the time they have grown up, they should see each other from what they do today, not yesterday and not even tomorrow. They should only hate someone's wrongdoings, but not the person himself or herself. They should expect that the witch will have some remorse at the end of the day. And the king must have hurt somebody at the very beginning before getting that revenge-curse. Not like us. Not like us who was surprised of how drastic a change could happen in somebody like Maleficent. Not like us who will never see the king in the Sleeping Beauty the same way again, no more a complete wise and loving father, because he never was.

Each of us has stories, most of them are untold. And most of them are what create us to be this person today. Sometimes we, ourselves, have too many stories to catch up with until we forget that other people do too. Sometimes we love our shoes too much as they have fit our toe-line perfectly until we reject to try other people's shoes, see how comfortable or even painful they are. Sometimes our minds process each stories too  much until we forget that stories continue as long as the writer still there, they could have shocking twist of plot too. Well, me being me, thinking things over and over-thinking of things; Maleficent reminds me to those, a lot.

P.S. picture is taken from http://www.hdwallpapers.in/angelina_jolie_maleficent-wallpapers.html

Introverts: the misunderstood (?) - (1)

Recently, I bumped into some videos and articles that talked about introversion, the act of being an introvert. I have never thought that it is something way more complicated than people might think it is. Introverts, the misunderstood. This, I guess, will be series of my posts about how people might think about us, introverts, and how we might always assume that people out there think the same way as we do.

Don’t live in somebody else’s life! That’s exactly what everyone says. In fact, introverts always will. We live in other people’s world. We exist in the world where extroverts become the majority, lucky them. A talkative, outgoing, and cheerful personality has become a standard mainstream which, at the same time, perceive a quiet and not-so-outgoing person as something weird or, at least, not common. We are living in the world where people are pushed to share and express their feelings by the existence of social media. Something that extroverts love to do, but it’s actually not our thing. We made those accounts for the sake of having it, unless we want people call us nerdieee!

Introverts, the misunderstood. People might think we, introverts, are shy. That is just because we prefer to shut our mouth rather than standing up to debate people. We don’t complain when our milk-tea should have Oreo crumbs instead of pearls. Most of people might not know that there are so many things going through our heads at that point of time. “When I say A, they will defend with B; I have my counter-arguments, but she will get hurt, and he seems to get sick of this and just want to get this done quick. Better I don’t say anything; better not to argue; pearls are still edible.” That is what exactly in my mind every single time it happens.

We, introverts, often think too far. Apparently, it seems like a pessimistic way of thinking. We have too many buts. Every single detail appear to pop up whenever a big picture come out from our brains. It’s bad, for some reasons because we don’t welcome best possibilities that may come in between our plans. But, sometimes, we need to be as realistic as we can, right? And introverts offer that point of view. See! I use the word but again!

All this while I always think that everybody in this world have this constant conversation in their minds. It’s like having a radio-tape 24/7 played with two DJs arguing about what song they should play next or what ad they should’ve aired first. I once read a quote, I totally forgot who wrote it, that basically question about how can people survive without writing down their thoughts? I definitely agreed as I always had the same question. Apparently, not all people have constant inner-conversation flooding up their mind and waiting to get pulled out. Apparently, it’s just us, the introverts.

Introverts are quiet, full stop. I bet that's what people would always think about us. It’s true in a sense that we don’t like to talk a lot. It’s tiring, seriously. It drains our energy. But, I guess the case will be totally different when we meet our significant others, or a close friends, or even a small group of friends once in a while. Introverts are actually able to talk hours and hours, perhaps even from mid-day until the café is about to close (Well, it happens to me often, at least). We can be as fussy and loud and talkative as extroverts are. The big difference is we prefer to do that for deep-intimate conversations. 

We value deep more than small talks, which aren't what most people have in most conversations; that’s why we prefer to shut out mouth up most of the time. It’s not that we hate small talks, no, not at all. We just have nothing to comment on, really, we simply avoid corny jokes we could possibly make (because we think too much whether this joke would be corny, if it wouldn't, whether it was appropriate. By the time we knew it was, they have changed the topic. Well, never mind then!). We just don’t like to get involved in somebody else’s drama (because knowing the story is considered as an involvement for us) unless they allow us to do so. It’s not that we don’t care, really, we do listen to such stories, no worries. But, to listen is the best thing we could do.

(It’s not done yet, there are lots more complicated stuff going through my mind. Well… this is, I guess, to be continued…)

2014: Worry, why should I care?

I don't know if it is just me, but reaching twenties doesn't seem so easy. I start to over-think about many things: life, love, future. The society spins around and ask the same exact question, what do you want to be? When these two lips about to answer, my brain stops them with another difficult question, how do you make it come true? I begin to spend some time before sleeping, mind wide awake while the body is tired to death. Those little neurons in my heads are now expert in wandering around every night, thinking about I don't even know what and keeping me away from good sleeps. I have to sleep with light switched off, afraid being intimidated by its flare in the dark. Well, I don't know if it is just me, but it really happens recently. Since last year, to be exact.

Anyway, this post is supposed to be a welcoming new year posts everyone always has on the first day of the year. But, I can't blame myself for making it too late to be true. I was still (and will always be) in my exam period on new year's eve and just finished it by the end of January. Right after that, I went back home and holiday is just too tempting to be missed by staring at my laptop every day. And this is it, my super duper late first post of the year.

Like I said before, 2013 was a very bumpy ride. Being twenty was one thing, and unfortunately acting as a twenty-years-old-so-called-adult in difficult situations was other thing. If I were a driver, I must had been an amateur who got a mission to climb up a mountain with my truck. It was exciting at first, until you realize you are yet to get used to a never-ending winding road. Not to mention the air pressure difference that often made your ears sound like bees. Not to say that the small roads were not taken care of, rocky, and full of holes. It made me sick. It made me sick until I felt like vomiting. Finally in 2013, I learned about self-arrogance, lack of preparation, too high expectation, betrayal (ups... that's a strong word), and lonesome. Well, I did have lots of fun though. I traveled, I went out a lot with friends, I got to buy what I want to buy. But, maybe reaching twenties makes me forget the goods easier and worry more. Maybe.

By the very end of 2013, as I always did during exam period, I got obsessed with this guy named John Mayer who happened to sing The Age of Worry. He's famous apparently (and I blame myself for not being a fan of him since long time ago). It is an old song, really, and I swear to God I've listened to that song before. It was just that I didn't really pay attention to the lyrics. It became something when I realized the fact that I listened to the song again, at the right time and in the right mood. I felt like, well... I'm in my age of worry. And one of the lines there goes, "And worry, why should I care?"

So, I opened 2014 by literally singing that song (as if I don't sing non-stop every day). Being twenties probably is still hard for me, even until this very moment. Expectations running around your nose, my own idealistic expectations of myself, dreams about dream job and work-life, the cruel reality that media love to show every single second through Twitter, Facebook, TV, or whatever they are called, questions about the existence of love (Oh, probably not love, but romance. Yes, the existence of true romance), the guts of being in love and loved, the desire to be your-very-own-self while society spins like tornado erasing what you really are. See, so many stuffs running around inside the head of this girl in her early twenties producing hormones of worry. But, worry, why should I care?

Well, at last, I hope I am more prepared to face these other eleven months ahead. Resolutions are made. Some of them are simple, some I don't even know how to make it work. But, I can just give my heart and change my mind. I'm allowed to do it. I know I will still over-think, as I always did. But, let's make friends with what we are. I know it's still going to be bumpy ride on a long winding road and I'm still an amateur. But, let's just be an amateur truck driver who wants to soon let got his "amateur" title. Let's just live in the age worry, make good friend with it before finally say, "Worry, get out of here!"

Kamu Kira Saya Tidak Tergoda?

Kamu kira saya tidak tergoda? Pada tahta dan kuasa. Saya juga manusia biasa. Yang seringkali lapar akan puja-puja. Kamu pikir saya tidak teringin? Pada rantaian hak istimewa. Saya pun masih seorang emosional hormonal yang menikmati euforia. Yang seratus persen sadar bahwa hal semacam ini hanya terjadi satu kali. Sekali lewat lepas, dia tidak datang untuk kembali.

Lampu sorot itu megah. Hangatnya memacu adrenalinmu. Membuncah. Mendengarkan tepuk dan siulan. Menghitung decak kekaguman. Kemana pun kamu berjalan. Lampu sorot itu setia. Memastikan bayanganmu masih berdiri di sana. Memastikan kamu menghasilkan bayangan. Sedangkan yang menontonmu itu. Saya merasa ada terselip satu dua di sana. Atau mungkin tiga bahkan lima. Yang juga sama denganmu. Menghitung detik demi detik waktu ke waktu. Menunggumu lupa lirik atau salah lagu. Menantimu terseliuh dari sepatu tinggimu. Mengubah tepuk siul decak kagum menjadi lautan hu. Lampu sorot itu begitu megah. Saya juga manusia biasa yang menginginkannya. Tapi satu lampu sorot lagi di depan muka. Rasanya sudah melampaui kapasitas saya. Satu dua dari sejumlah bayangan itu seperti bersabar. Menunggu saya merusak semuanya.

Sesederhana ini. Saya tidak pernah berbakat menjadi politisi. Yang menaruh satu kaki di kanan satu lagi di kiri. Fleksibel. Bukan fokus pada strategi. Tapi hasil jangka panjang yang berisi. Saya masih terlalu emosional hormonal. Yang terobsesi pada idealisasi. Yang tanpa sadar menghabiskan waktu berusaha memuaskan semua hati. Takut dicela alergi dicaci. Saya, dalam hal ini, serapuh sarang laba-laba. Yang teratur terstruktur. Tapi hancur berantakan dengan satu sentuhan. Lalu saya akan menyalahkan diri sendiri. Kenapa jaringnya saya lingkarkan dari kiri ke kanan. Bukan dari kanan ke kiri seperti yang mereka sukai. Hal yang paling tidak esensial. Yang bahkan bukan alasan kenapa si manusia mendaratkan tangannya di sarang saya. Bukan. Bukan berarti saya tidak mampu tidak bisa atau tidak ingin membuat sarang yang baru. Tapi yang baru itu tidak akan pernah sama. Karena saya terlalu menghargai yang pertama. Yang orisinil saya bangun dengan hati. Tanpa tendensi untuk memperbaiki atau mengganti. Melahirkan perbandingan. Dan semua orang benci kalau dibandingkan. Dan saya masih berkutat pada ketakutan untuk dibenci.

Selalu ada pilihan dalam kehidupan. Dua di antaranya adalah menjadi egois atau mulia. Saya, seperti semua manusia rasional lainnya, pasti ingin menjadi yang kedua. Bukan sepenuhnya untuk dikenang. Bukan pula mau menjadi sok pahlawan. Tapi sesederhana sebuah kenyataan. Bahwa kita dibutuhkan. Bahwa dunia merasa kamu tidak punya alasan untuk tidak ambil bagian. Seperti para pendahulu yang dengan rela meninggalkan segala kenyamanan. Turun ke jalan. Sepenuh jiwa raga menata bata perjuangan. Dan pada akhirnya, secara suka cita dunia mengenang mereka sebagai pahlawan. Namun saya secara pahit menyadari satu fakta di sini. Yang secara sakit menyatakan bahwa saya dan mereka di lain kondisi. Mereka ada di posisi yang selalu menyambut untuk kembali. Kalah dan gagal itu bukan pilihan. Bukan pula menjadi hal yang terlintas dalam angan. Tapi setidaknya, kalau itu betul betul terjadi, satu hari di satu masa masih ada satu jaminan meyakinkan. Kenyamanan yang dulu mereka tinggalkan. Itu. Menjadikan mulia itu pilihan. Sedangkan saya masih buta akan masa depan. Tidak berhak menuntut dunia bertoleransi. Mencari satu saja jarum aman di antara setumpuk jerami. Membuat egois dan mulia bukan lagi pilihan. Tapi ironi yang sayangnya adalah realita. Tidak ada jaminan tidak pula kepastian. Tidak memberi kesempatan pada kegagalan dan kekalahan. Karena momen inilah yang dinanti-nanti. Oleh bayangan-bayangan dari lampu sorot tadi. Oleh manusia yang mulai terusik pada si sarang laba-laba tadi. Dan kesempatan. Sekali lewat lepas, tidak datang untuk kembali.

Saya sampai pada kesimpulan. Saya lebih suka mendampingi. Menjadi seorang yang memastikan kamu tidak lupa lirik atau salah lagu. Memilihkan sepatu terbaik yang tidak membuatmu terseliuh. Saya lebih tersanjung pada kepercayaan. Yang kamu berikan sepanjang jalan. Daripada tepuk siulan manusia lain yang bahkan dengan mereka saya tidak pernah berkenalan. Saya lebih menghargai ketika kamu mendengarkan. Mempertimbangkan ide-ide yang saya lontarkan. Memasukkannya sebagai bagian dari strategi brilian yang sedang kamu canangkan. Saya punya cara aneh tersendiri untuk menikmati perhatian. Bukan dari puja puji di sana-sini. Tapi dari cerita-cerita pribadi yang secara suka rela kamu bagi. Saya, di sini, akan menjadi yang pertama bersiul dan tepuk tangan. Ketika sederet lagu dan tarian berhasil kamu tampilkan. Dan saya, di sini, akan menjadi yang pertama. Duduk denganmu yang berhadapan pada kegagalan dan kekecewaan. Lalu dengan fakta dan argumen meyakinkan berkata, semua akan baik-baik saja. Saya, sampai detik ini, lebih suka mendampingi.

Human Seeks Attention

A little big thing.

This thought came across my mind a while ago when I was alone; doing nothing in my room on the day of Idul Adha. I was just thinking that, essentially, people is doing anything to seek attention in their whole lives. We want someone values our existence in any ways. That sounds agreeable. Some perhaps crave to be valued by money, some want compliments, care, or even winks(?). Funny things we do to make people see us, as much as stupid stuff we make. As stupid as walking out from the show we have been half-deathly working on, probably. But, I think, that's just human nature.

Well, then I start questioning about those complete and whole people whom all attention is directed to. How about independent young girls who seem to be too strong to break down? Do these people still seek attention?

You know, for split seconds I thought it is so unfair if these lot wanted more than what they have got. I am referring to the fact that it is them creating the existence of "The Overshadowed". Well, shouldn't they be grateful for everything that they have taken from others around? Or, to be rightly phrased, shouldn't I be thankful for every single blessings and compliments that I have been receiving all this while?

But, no. Like I have said, it's a matter of human nature. Human seeks attention. It doesn't mean a person who seems very complete and whole isn't craving for attention inside. They are. Perhaps others only value her success, not the story behind it which she really wants people to know. Perhaps others pay high for her professionalism, but doesn't even care about personal life she has given in. Or, probably others respect her independence, even too much to allow themselves giving more affection (which sounds nonsense).

All human beings seek attention, yet we, common people, love to stare only at something interesting. To see a color, instead of color all the whites. Overlook small things big people value, yet forget to thank shadows for their patient company. That's my conclusion.

Pain Gave Them Success

A little big thing.

All this while, I have been listening to many painful stories. Some of them are stories of famous people that everybody knows. Let me just mention Einstein, the genius. Probably most people know his childhood. He was slow in learning how to speak until his headmaster expelled and, on top of that, cursed he never amount to much. Or I can also mention the smart Oprah Winfrey. That strong and beautiful lady had a tough childhood that we probably would never imagine before when we see her today on TV. Even more, I would love to list down those famous influencing people like Barack Obama, Bill Gates, Nelson Mandela, Walt Disney, Mahatma Gandhi and so on.

Dahlan Iskan will always be there to describe the miserable days of lever transplantation, on the edge of life. Moreover, as not many people know, he started the career as on office boy of newspaper agency, later on became the chairman, and now is the famous BUMN (State-owned Enterprises) Minister of Indonesia. Bob Sadino, that short-pants business man, who expect him as a taxi driver and construction labor years back? We, now, only see him as billionaire who doesn't even bother to count his money. On top of them, there was the Prophet, Muhammad SAW, who we know most of his story. His life was never easy, even though Allah put him on His highest mercy. His life was never easy for us to live with, Man.

Yeah, that is what I have been talking about. The rich, famous, popular, influencing, and successful people who have been through pain in most of their lives. It is just we don't know, or we don't care about. It is just because we see them today, in frame, with all their glories. I see, their stories might seem so cliché for you, but it was never for me. Never from the very beginning. Because I have heard more than those, even probably you too.

She is my proud Grandmother, who lived in the pain of poverty alone without any companion. She was judged as a miserable widow with two poor daughters. Her story first teach me about living up tough life. How did she sleep for only two-three hours every night, walk miles away every dawn, never complain every moments, and on top of that, teach her daughters courage to success. Then here she is now, still living in the same old house, but with peaceful face every single day. Sometimes she will tell me how relief she is when seeing her children live way better than her back then. I smile and say, you have succeed.

She is my the one and only Mother, who I always proud to be the daughter of. She was living with underestimate as a daughter of poor widow. Her teachers would always put her as substitute although she was the smartest. She was not accepted from a top high school, not because she wasn't capable enough yet she had to compete with the riches. I always remember her stories and big dreams to leave the village and start up everything by her own, without people considering her background and family. And in my vision, she have made it. She is always a successful mother with two children in my eyes.

She is one of the top managers of a huge company. I firstly admire her because of the beauty, position, and wisdom she has. Until she told us her childhood memories, a story that people would never expect to be happened to her. Series of tough-works that I firstly could not imagine are done by those soft and pretty hands. I was almost cry that day, also wondering the same story happened to my Grand and Mom.

The other ones are stories from my good friends. I always feel glad and honored to be trusted to listen to their untold experiences. They all have their own pains. Some still go through, some have already escaped from it. But most amazingly is when I saw them successfully achieve pieces of their dreams. Little by little, slow but sure. I am always touched when they said, "I'm going to be that way and stop living like this." And some of them, one by one, really do make it just as I was always sure they will.

When I'm writing this post, it is not that I have no pain in life. I had and do still have, but it is too small compared to them. It will only be a shame for me to nag about such problems. It will only be so childish for me to curse Allah about what happen in my life. It will only give more pain rather than success. And you know, the best thing is that, their existences are my remembrance: to live up my life as a winner, to not quit but finish everything up to the top. And I hope it won't be only for me, but all of us. Remembrance that pain gave them us success.

Because Life Will Never be Like Fairy Tales

Little big things.

"The movie was just so so... you know, fairy-tale-like happy ending. I prefer the realistic one."

I've heard these words for so many times from people around, even my younger brother said so. Or even more, you are also one of them. Well, I used to agree with this argument though. I thought it was too boring to watch what so called happily-ever-after movies or to read happy ended novels. Sometimes the story line even doesn't make any sense. At that moment, I agreed, they are all unrealistic. However, how I hate those kind of stories,  I keep reading them. Moreover, I can waste more than half a day to finish those movies. Yes. I recently realized, I don't dislike them. I love them.

I was wondering why I can be so hipster -which is so not me- in my environment by saying I like it, but become too mainstream around people out there. Why every time always ends up with movies full of coincidences or chained-relationships stories. Why they have to be very cheesy, naive, and perfection oriented, as if it's possible. It's impossible though. Finally I got my answer. Because life, I mean this real life, will never be like fairy tales.

Some of you might nodded and agree, but probably some don't. I have to admit that some people have that fairy-tale-like life in their real world. They have everything, surrounded by everything. I am not just saying. I do know some of them personally. However, so human, these people will still ask for something, look for anything they haven't get. They never completely happy like every fairy tales' last words "They live happily ever after". Not only those fairy-tale-like-living people, ordinaries do feel so.

I often excused myself to think more about others' life, instead of mine. Why are they so pretty, so rich, so famous, so smart? What isn't there in their life? Should it be living in fairy tale with that? I never asked them personally, but have been trying to find out. And probably this is what they will say.

"What's so good about being pretty if it just used to raise guys' pride of being pretty-girl's boyfriend, instead of together completing each others' missing-puzzle? What's so perfect of being rich if the desire of having everything is such a human instinct? What's so cool of being famous and smart when people always stare at every single time of our life, either to imitate or search for wrong deeds?"

Life will never be like fairy tales. There's always what commoners called sacrifices as well as dissatisfaction. Economists call it trade-off. Businessmen say it's give-and-take. Even maybe scientists have their own term to describe. The facts are, pretties often give up her ego of not being whole-heartedly loved. Riches work extremely like horse to gain those money, thinking while people are sleeping, alone in office while others comfortably chatting with family in vacation. Smarts struggle a lot to keep being smart just because people tend to easily ask questions and they must answer it correctly since people assume they know everything, I can say they always worry of disappointing their beloved ones since high expectation relied on their shoulders. Even worse, those world-boom actors have to be willingly change their face, not married -or even dated-, went to entertainment schools without any guarantee of being orbited, and walk with those shades and caps to cover their face as the consequences of fame. Unfortunately, that how real life is.

That's why I love fairy tales the most. Where can I feel those perfection of life if not from human-made imaginations? Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that life is miserable, it's just there's nothing without sacrifice. And fortunately, sacrifices lead to happiness since we give up things for, what we think, treasure. I will always want a simple happy fairy-tale-like life. I understand that fairy-tale-like life won't be possible, so I give it up and go for simple happy life instead. One of my ways is by enjoying fairy tales. Being dazzled in its perfection and impossibility, for a while only, to live up hard-challenging reality.

Di Rumah Saya, Pagi-Pagi Tadi

Pagi ini dimulai dengan sesenggukan seorang ibu dari samping rumah. Begitu mendadaknya sampai saya tidak tahu harus berbuat apa di kamar. Walhasil, ibu saya yang menyambut dan mempersilakannya duduk. Batin saya, satu klien lagi. Setelah reda dari tangisan menderu-derunya, ibu itu mulai bercerita. Sangat tipikal. Keluarga besarnya sedang tidak bersahabat. Usahanya yang sedang berkembang mulai dicemooh. Kepeduliannya pada keluarga semakin dipertanyakan di tengah gelimangan harta yang ia nikmati sekarang.

Saya sudah sangat sering mendengar cerita semacam ini. Saudara satu iri dengan saudara lain saat karier salah satunya menanjak. Atau kalau ‘iri’ itu terdengar terlalu kasar, anggap saja ia tidak suka mengakui bahwa dirinya sedang kalah saing dalam urusan materi. Orang tua yang kerjanya mengatur rumah tangga anaknya. Berbagai kisah dari “Pondok Mertua Indah” yang selama bertahun-tahun ini saya dengar tidak pernah indah. Sangat tipikal.

Saya orang Jawa, mungkin saya sudah sering mengatakannya dan saya bangga akan itu. Tapi untuk hal yang satu ini semakin hari saya semakin tidak bangga. Saya mulai memihak Barat. Ya, biarlah orang berkata saya kebarat-baratan. Saya tidak begitu peduli.

Seorang teman saya dari Jerman pernah bilang pada saya, di sana saat usianya sudah delapan belas tahun, orang tua sudah tidak punya hak maupun kewajiban untuk ikut mencampuri urusan anaknya. Mereka sudah boleh pulang malam, mereka bisa mengadakan pesta di kamar semalam suntuk, tapi satu… saat itu pula mereka menentukan jalan hidupnya sendiri. Mereka tahu benar bahwa ada kalanya rumah orang tua sudah bukan lagi tempat tinggalnya. Mereka sadar konsekuensi menjadi dewasa itu termasuk berpisah fisik dengan orang tua, mengejar karier sendiri, dan memutuskan siapa yang akan menjadi pendamping hidup… sendiri.

Orang tua mereka pun tak ambil pusing dengan anak-anaknya. Mereka menganggap anak-anak itu bukan sebagai aset, tidak seperti di sini –tanah kelahiran saya. Mereka tahu anak-anak itu suatu saat akan menentukan arah panahnya sendiri. Mereka sadar bahwa orang tua hanya bisa menjadi busur terbaik untuk menyiapkan sang anak melesat sejauh dan sekencang mungkin, ke mana saja tujuannya. Begitupun saat anaknya akan menikah, cukup satu pertanyaan. “Kamu yakin?” Dan ketika sang anak sudah menjatuhkan pilihannya mereka akan mengikuti. Hiduplah orang tua dan anak-anak yang sudah berkeluarga itu sebagai unit yang baru. Sebagai keluarga yang terpisah, tidak saling mengusik. Mereka akan berkumpul lagi saat acara keluarga bersama-sama dalam ceria mengenang masa kecil. Tapi tetap sebagai satuan keluarga yang terpisah, tidak saling mengusik. Saling berhubungan, tanpa mencampuri kehidupan masing-masing. Tidak ada saling membandingkan hidupmu-hidupku, karierku-kariermu, atau menantu ini-menantu itu. Mereka satuan yang terpisah, tidak saling mengusik.

Saya tidak pernah menyalahkan nilai-nilai luhur warisan nenek moyang saya, tidak. Pemikiran saya hanya tercipta secara tidak disengaja karena apa yang terlihat di mata saya setiap hari. Atau mungkin terlihat di mata banyak orang, tapi hanya terlalu tabu untuk disuarakan. Konflik dalam keluarga besar, persaingan materi, rebutan warisan, sangat nyata ada bukan? Semua itu cuma karena sebuah pola pikir sederhana. Manusia itu objek. Objek dari orang tua yang melahirkannya, objek saudara tertuanya, objek materi, objek harta, objek dunia. Jadilah saudara sebangsa saya, yang harus saya saksikan setiap hari, hidup dengan setiran di kepalanya. Disetir cita-cita orang tuanya mau jadi apa saat kecil, disetir lobi-lobi sakti yang membawanya dapat pekerjaan, disetir mertua cerewetnya saat ingin menjadi menantu mandiri, disetir arogansi kakak tertua yang tinggalnya hanya di sebelah rumah, disetir gengsi untuk jadi paling mentereng sekeluarga besar saat kumpul lebaran, disetir orang tua yang berharap ‘aset’-nya dapat dipanen saat sudah berhasil, disetir harap-harap cemas untuk dapat warisan paling banyak, disetir perasaan memiliki harta yang diusahakan orang tuanya. Dan inilah hasilnya… konflik laten yang siap meledak sewaktu-waktu. Seperti yang terjadi di samping rumah saya, pagi-pagi tadi.

Anakmu bukanlah milikmu, mereka adalah putra-putri kehidupan.

Mereka terlahir melaluimu, tetapi bukan berasal darimu, karena itu mereka ada bersamamu tapi bukanlah milikmu.

Engkau harus memberi mereka cintamu, tetapi bukan pemikiranmu, karena mereka punya pemikiran mereka sendiri.

Engkau bisa memberikan rumah untuk tubuh mereka, tetapi tidak untuk jiwanya. Karena jiwa mereka akan tinggal di rumah masa depan, yang tidak bisa kau kunjungi, bahkan dalam mimpimu sekalipun.

Engkau boleh mencoba meniru mereka, tapi jangan memaksa mereka menirumu, karena kehidupan tidak pernah berjalan mundur, tidak pula akan terulang.

Engkau adalah busur panah, yang darinya anak-anakmu akan meluncur ke depan.

Sang pemanah menarikmu dengan keagungan-Nya agar anak panah bisa melesat jauh menuju keabadian

Tentang Anak dalam Sang Nabi

Kahlil Gibran 

Lost

Little big things

Lost is just a phase of a journey that give you few times to think "Where am I now?"

Puri Rahmawati - 19 years old

Entah kenapa kalimat itu sering sekali berputar di otak saya. Bukan, itu bukan kutipan dari seseorang ternama atau bersejarah. Kalimat itu muncul begitu saja dari otak saya secara random. Begitu mucul, dia melekat sebegitu eratnya sampai sekarang. Malam ini. Saat tanggal di sudut kanan bawah layar ini hampir berganti.

Well, no, it's not about homesick anymore. Saya sudah memikirkannya betul-betul. Ini bukan tentang rindu kampung halaman. Ini sepenuhnya tentang ritme kehidupan baru yang sedang berusaha saya tangkap iramanya.

I felt like lost or I do still feel like lost. Entahlah. Ada saat-saat di mana saya tidak tahu bagaimana harus bersikap. Ada saat-saat di mana saya tiba-tiba saja tidak ingat seperti apa saya dulu. Ada waktu di mana entah bagaimana caranya saya lupa bagaimana saya seharusnya di sini. Sementara itu saya belum sepenuhnya berhasil mentransformasikan diri ke dalam lingkungan yang baru. Belum lagi terkadang hal yang buruk datang saat kondisi sedang buruk, memperburuk apa yang sudah terlanjur buruk.

Well, kalau merujuk kalimat yang masih saja stuck di kepala saya itu, seharusnya perasaan saya membaik. Maka dari itu, saya mencoba meyakinkan diri bahwa ini hanya tentang waktu. Seperti belajar menari, ada masa di mana kita butuh untuk melihat dan memahami setiap gerakan, ritme yang tepat, serta irama yang benar. Saya meyakinkan diri, saya sedang di fase itu. Sampai kapan? Entah. Saya tak mau buru-buru. I'll just take my time, no need to rush otherwise I'll be lost further and further. Totally lost my life rhythm, living in someone else's life.

Bismillah. Semesta mendukung.

Malaysia : Kesan Pertama

Little big things

Akhirnya setelah sekian lama menelantarkan blog ini saya kembali, beradu di depan layar dengan tik-tok keyboard yang menyenangkan. Kali ini di tempat yang baru, bahkan dengan keyboard berbeda dengan yang saya pakai untuk posting tulisan-tulisan sebelumnya. Ya, sudah dua bulan lebih sekian hari sejak saya akhirnya memilih meninggalkan Jogja menuju ke sini, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Sebenarnya semacam terlambat untuk memberi judul "Kesan Pertama". Saya sudah melewatkan puluhan hari. Well, tapi entah mengapa saya merasa perlu menuliskannya. Beberapa point of view tentang tempat yang akan saya tinggali selama beberapa tahun ini. Beberapa kesan yang, jujur, sempat membuat kaget, menghela napas, maupun senyum-senyum senang.

Tentang Saya di Hari-hari Pertama

meja saya, yang tidak pernah bosan saya pandangi

Saya asli darah Jogja. Orang tua saya Jogja. Keluarga besar saya mayoritas tinggal di Jogja. Tidak ada alasan kuat bagi saya untuk pergi ke luar kota, selain sekedar jalan-jalan atau berlibur. Lalu sekarang saya di sini, keluar dari sebuah kota nyaman yang selama ini menjadi zona nyaman saya. Mungkin itulah yang membuat beberapa hal terasa berat di hari-hari awal. Ya, fase adaptasi. Fase di mana saya harus menyesuaikan diri dengan iklim, makanan, bahasa, kebiasaan, dan lingkungan yang sama sekali baru.

Kalau boleh mengaku, saya akhirnya tahu bagaimana rasanya homesick. Saya kangen rumah, saya rasanya ingin pulang. Tapi beruntunglah di masa-masa itu banyak orang menguatkan. Dukungan keluarga dan sahabat, beberapa kado cantik dari teman-teman terbaik, konsultasi sana-sini dengan berbagai macam orang. Saya masih ingat seorang teman bilang, semuanya akan beranjak baik setelah dua minggu. Dan ya, dia seratus persen benar. Semakin hari semakin baik, saya mulai bisa menikmati ritme hidup di rantau. Lama kelamaan terasa menyenangkan. Banyak hal baru yang menanti untuk dicoba, tempat baru untuk didatangi, pengalaman baru yang harus dirasakan. Semua itu membuat saya mulai bersemangat menjalani hari-hari studi. Dan akhirnya, beginilah saya sekarang. Menjalani pola hidup baru sembari secara rutin bertanya kabar tentang Indonesia saya.

Tentang Iklim dan Waktu Baru

jakarta pagi hari, tepat sebelum berangkat

Ya, saya tahu topik ini semacam tidak begitu penting. Topik yang sering digunakan orang hanya untuk basa-basi yang menjadi semakin basi. Tapi sungguh, bagi saya, perbedaan iklim menjadi suatu 'kesan pertama'. Saya tinggal di Kuala Lumpur yang notabene terletak di dekat khatulistiwa. Jadi dapat dibayangkan, daerah di sini cukup panas. Suhu rata-ratanya sekitar 31 derajat celcius, atau sepertinya dapat lebih panas lagi saat siang hari. Selain itu, udara di sini juga lembap. Orang Jawa menyebutnya pliket, semacam lembap dan panas dicampur bersama-sama.

Well, beruntunglah saya datang pada musim hujan. Beberapa hari terakhir ini hujan tidak enggan turun. Basah memang, bahkan kadang merepotkan di hari-hari kuliah. Tapi setidaknya hawa sejuk yang dibawanya nyaman di badan. Belum lagi di pagi atau sore hari, mendukung untuk tidur lebih nyenyak. hehe

kota saya sekarang, dari balkon kamar

Omong-omong tentang tidur, saya tertarik dengan satu fakta. Waktu Malaysia sama persis dengan WITA, tapi waktu shalat Kuala Lumpur masih lebih lambat daripada Jakarta dan sekitarnya. Well, ini karena letaknya yang memang jauh di sebelah barat pulau Jawa. Dan tentang pembagian waktu yang cukup aneh itu, pemerintah Malaysia entah sejak kapan memang menetapkan zona waktu yang sama untuk wilayah ini dan Sabah Serawak (Malaysia Kalimantan). Jadilah pukul enam seperempat di sini baru adzan subuh.

Korelasinya dengan tidur? Mengutip tweet seorang reporter yang saya lupa namanya, jam tubuh manusia bergantung pada keberadaan matahari. Saya baru mengerti betul sekarang. Meskipun jam di sini bergerak lebih awal, orang-orang pun memulai dan mengakhiri harinya lebih lambat. Bangun saat subuh berarti sekitar pukul setengah tujuh. Dan jangan heran kalau pukul dua belas malam masih cukup banyak orang lalu lalang.

Tentang Makanan Baru

Berhubung saya tidak pergi jauh, hanya sekitar dua jam lewat udara, tidak banyak hal berbeda tentang makanan. Saya dan sebagian besar orang di sini masih makan nasi, absolutely! Perbedaan hanya ada pada menu dan rasa. Di sini saya menemukan berbagai macam mie, makanan pedas bersantan, dan tak berkuah banyak. Awalnya memusingkan mengingat kebiasaan makan berkuah dan tak sebegitu pedas. Beruntunglah lidah cukup bersahabat untuk menyesuaikan dengan apa adanya. Mencoba makanan baru, menarik.

Tentang Atmosfer Baru

yeah, the twin tower

KL is such a big city! Kesibukan dimulai saat hari masih gelap dan tempat tertentu tidak tidur untuk berbagai macam alasan. Dari kamar asrama saya, yang tepatnya ada di lantai delapan, bisa terlihat antrean mobil yang hampir tidak bergerak karena macet saat jam pulang kerja. Dari balkon, saya disambut julangan pencakar langit yang entah dipakai sebagai gedung apa. Bus hampir selalu penuh, begitupun LRT dan sejenisnya. Taksi lalu lalang siap menjemput dia yang ingin cepat sampai tujuan. Ramai dan padat. Keramaian tidak selamanya membuat penat, terkadang saya juga suka riuh rendah ramai orang di sini. Di sebuah lokasi bersama kerumunan orang yang melakukan urusannya masing-masing, saya bisa hanya diam mengamati. Paradoks menyenangkan untuk dilihat.

Yang menarik, di sela-sela kepadatan, hampir selalu saya bertemu orang Indonesia. Entah itu di kampus, di mall, di jalan, di mana-mana. We seems to grow that fast so our people spread out everywhere. Well, I have no idea whether that's good or bad.

Ya. Di sinilah saya sekarang. Memulai lembaran baru di tempat baru dengan segala sesuatu yang baru. Semacam meng-klik shortcut Microsoft Word, membuka file, memilih new. Tidak lupa, saya sudah memastikan menekan icon save untuk dokumen lama saya. Tidak mau meng-klik close agar dapat membukanya sewaktu-waktu saat saya butuh kutipan-kutipan dari dokumen saya sebelumnya.

Kenapa Sejarah?

Alkisah beberapa hari yang lalu saya sedang berselancar di facebook. Seperti biasa, kursor hanya bergerak di sekitar wall, newsfeed, dan group yang harus dibuka satu-satu sekadar untuk melihat-lihat kabar paling up to date. Alhasil saya membuka group resmi keluarga alumni sekolah saya, Padmanaba. Roll ke bawah, baca satu persatu sepintas. Sampai pada sebuah link menarik.

He's a history teacher, but more than that, he's an inspirator for his students. Salah satu yang terinspirasi adalah saya sendiri. Seorang murid dari mungkin ribuan yang telah beliau ajar. Berkat beliau, saya sangat menyukai pelajaran sejarah. Kalau mau dibilang lebih dari itu, saya -sampai saat ini- masih sangat mencintai sejarah.

Ya, saya akui saya pernah sangat males belajar sejarah. Seperti kebanyakan anak SD saat itu, saya berpikir bahwa sungguh tidak ada gunanya menghapalkan angka-angka tahun yang tidak ada hubungannya dengan hidup kita. Semacam apa peduli saya kalau Pangeran Diponegoro berperang pada tahun 1825 sampai 1830. Saking desperate menghapal, saya sampai meniru cara majalah dengan membayangkan Pangeran Diponegoro perang habis maghrib saat jam 18.25 sampai 18.30. Cukup setengah jam saja haha.

Dan orientasi saya terhadap mata pelajaran yang satu ini mendadak berubah sejak SMA kelas XI. Tepatnya ya saat saya diajar oleh mahaguru yang bisa menghapal semua sejarah penting dunia di luar kepala itu. Mengutip sebuah statement yang berulang kali beliau sampaikan di sela-sela mengajar.

"Belajar sejarah itu bukan hanya membaca. Lebih dari itu, yang terpenting adalah mempelajari benang merah dari berbagai peristiwa secara berkesinambungan. Sejarah merupakan jalinan antar benang tersebut."

Saya akui, setelah mengetahui rahasianya adalah seperti yang beliau sampaikan, sejarah menjadi mudah dan menarik. Mempelajarinya tidak lagi dari buku-buku pelajaran yang -saya akui setengah mati- memang membosankan, tetapi dari film, TV shows, dan buku-buku populer. Yes, dan inilah asal mula saya menjadi penikmat film trilogi Merah Putih hehe.

Kenapa Sejarah?
Kenapa Sejarah? Kenapa bukan matematika, geografi, atau biologi? Bukan, bukan bermaksud untuk mendiskreditkan bidang studi lain. Saya lebih suka memaknai sejarah di luar dari konteksnya sebagai pelajaran yang dengan dipelajari maka murid akan dapat nilai. Sejarah itu luas, bahkan masing-masing individu di bumi ini punya sejarahnya masing-masing. Dan yang saya sukai dari kenyataan ini adalah bahwa kita tidak perlu mengulang sebuah kesalahan yang telah dilakukan seseorang dalam bagian sejarah hidupnya.

"We study history that we may be wise before the event."

 -Sir John Seeley-

Yes! That's it! Rasanya menjadi sangat bersemangat dan nasionalis ketika tahu para founding fathers bangsa ini, yang sebenarnya sudah hidup layak dan nyaman secara materi, mau turun ke hutan-hutan untuk angkat senjata dan berperang. Rasanya sangat berbangga ketika tahu kenyataan bahwa Indonesia adalah satu dari segelintir bangsa yang merdeka karena usahanya sendiri. Rasanya begitu ingin benar-benar mengabdi kepada bangsa ketika ingat bahwa satu-satunya alasan para pejuang itu gugur di medan laga adalah kedaulatan bangsa.

Dan rasa-rasanya asal muasal, akar pangkal dari kebobrokan moral para pemimpin bangsa Indonesia saat ini adalah karena mereka amnesia sejarah. Tidak perlu ribut-ribut tentang Keistimewaan kalau mereka ingat bahwa Kesultanan Yogyakarta yang menyokong pemerintahan selama revolusi, baik secara moral maupun material. Tidak perlu minta gaji naik, sertifikasi, atau remonerasi kalau mereka berkaca pada pendahulunya yang bahkan berkomitmen tidak menikah sebelum merah putih berkibar. Tidak perlu gedung maha megah untuk berkelahi kalau mereka malu dengan rumusan sila ke-satu yang diselesaikan dengan toleransi tingkat tinggi. Ya, tidak perlu ada mereka kalau nyatanya dulu Indonesia bisa berjaya dengan gerilya.

Dan saya di sini, berharap untuk tidak menjadi semacam mereka. Saya tahu sedikit sejarah. Saya belajar sejarah. Saya mencintai sejarah. Seperti kata Seeley, seharusnya kita lebih bijak untuk tidak mengulang kesalahan bangsa ini. So, mari belajar sejarah.

with all do respects to our teachers,

Pak Tarto, Pak Radi, Cak Budi

for every story that keep sticking inside my brain

Have a Blessed Year 2012!

A little big thing.

companion tonight: yummy toast and a cup of coffee

It's 00.17 am now. I am now sitting here in front of PC. Right on my left the TV is still talking about whatever I don't care. The sound of fireworks outside slowly dissappear after all of these celebration. Some of my friends decided to spend the night by having dinner special dinner with their family, gathering on the streets with the most people in town, or burning the bonfire at beach. Then I choose to be here, enjoying my new year's eve with a cup of cofee and a yummy toast :)

Selamat tahun baru 2012! Rasanya tidak menyangka saya baru saja melewatkan tahun lalu yang penuh dengan cerita. Ya, mulai dari cerita menyenangkan, menggelikan, mengharukan, atau bahkan mendewasakan. Bagi saya pribadi, tahun 2011 membawa banyak kebahagiaan sekaligus keberkahan dari Allah. Sungguh.

Sejenak biar saya sedikit flashback tahun kemarin yang baru beberapa menit berlalu ini.

my 2011 new year greetings!

Januari, Februari, sampai April, ah.. saya masih ingat betul atmosfer waktu itu. Ke mana-mana bawa buku. Topik obrolan selalu berujung pada cerita sejarah atau rumus matematika. Les kian kemari dan membolos demi pergi ke perpus. Haha.. What a big tension! Kelas tiga menjadi saat paling menegangkan (sekaligus menyenangkan menurut saya) dengan berbagai impian dan fokus masing-masing. Dan hal yang paling mengesankan adalah saat kami, saya dan teman-teman Padmanaba 66 sama-sama berjuang demi mimpi kita bersama. Demi membuat Padmanaba bangga.

Mei, Juni, Juli, Agustus menjadi saat-saat yang kadang setengah membosankan. Tidak banyak kegiatan yang bisa dilakukan. Apalagi tahu bahwa kami belum mendapat pengumuman dari calon universitas yang diharapkan. Pengangguran mulai tidak produktif. But then the blessing was coming! Alhamdulillah, saya diterima di jurusan dan universitas yang sudah saya niatkan untuk menempuh jenjang pendidikan selanjutnya. Ilmu Komunikasi UGM. Saya pikir ini yang pilihan Tuhan yang terbaik.

September sampai Oktober sudah seperti olahraga instan. Teman-teman masih ingat semua tugas ospek? Kegiatan yang fullday dari pagi sampai petang. All the busy stuffs came back after years. Tapi kalau diingat-ingat, menyenangkan juga lah. Dan memang benar, kegiatan macam itu jadi pemanasan buat tugas kuliah yang jauh beda sama SMA. Aaaa.. >.<

Okay, dua bulan ini memang jadi fase paling amazing bagi saya. Kenapa? Satu resolusi besar saya di tahun 2011 benar-benar di ambang pintu pencapaian pada saat ini. Dan satu mimpi saya sejak kecil sedang di ujung tanduk untuk diwujudkan. Ya, ini serius.

Alhamdulillah. Segala pujian bagi Allah. And thanks to the Lord for this big blessing! Allah mempercayai saya untuk merasakan sensasinya belajar di luar negeri. Hal yang saya mimpikan sejak kelas empat SD, tapi tidak pernah saya bayangkan betul akan terwujud secepat ini. Masya Allah :')

Saya menjadi satu yang beruntung dari beberapa teman amazing yang mendapat beasiswa dari CIMB Group untuk kuliah S1 di Malaysia. Asli! Sujud syukur nggak berhenti-berhenti deh pokoknya.. >.<

Dengan begitu, saya akan berangkat insya Allah tahun ini. Dan meskipun tertunda sebulan, saya tetap akan meng-golkan resolusi besar di tahun 2011, membiayai hidup saya sendiri. Realizing my little big dream, pergi ke luar negeri.

yes! it's written on the diary ;D

a little big dream :)

 Jadi itulah kenapa saya sebut tahun kemarin, 2011, sebagai tahun keberkahan. Banyak pengalaman. Banyak pelajaran mendewasakan. Banyak harapan yang menunggu untuk segera direalisasikan. Dan tahun ini, saya berharap, Allah Sang Maha Cinta masih bersedia melimpahkan cinta kasih dan berkah-Nya kepada saya, kepada keluarga saya, kepada sahabat-sahabat saya, kepada orang-orang terdekat saya, kepada semua orang yang saya kenal, dan kepada dunia yang senantiasa membuat hidup saya terasa bermakna.

let's wake up and realize the dreams. Starts from little big things. Starts right here. Right now.

Bismillah. HAVE A BLESSED YEAR 2012 EVERYONE!