February 6, 2014

2014: Worry, why should I care?

I don't know if it is just me, but reaching twenties doesn't seem so easy. I start to over-think about many things: life, love, future. The society spins around and ask the same exact question, what do you want to be? When these two lips about to answer, my brain stops them with another difficult question, how do you make it come true? I begin to spend some time before sleeping, mind wide awake while the body is tired to death. Those little neurons in my heads are now expert in wandering around every night, thinking about I don't even know what and keeping me away from good sleeps. I have to sleep with light switched off, afraid being intimidated by its flare in the dark. Well, I don't know if it is just me, but it really happens recently. Since last year, to be exact.

Anyway, this post is supposed to be a welcoming new year posts everyone always has on the first day of the year. But, I can't blame myself for making it too late to be true. I was still (and will always be) in my exam period on new year's eve and just finished it by the end of January. Right after that, I went back home and holiday is just too tempting to be missed by staring at my laptop every day. And this is it, my super duper late first post of the year.

Like I said before, 2013 was a very bumpy ride. Being twenty was one thing, and unfortunately acting as a twenty-years-old-so-called-adult in difficult situations was other thing. If I were a driver, I must had been an amateur who got a mission to climb up a mountain with my truck. It was exciting at first, until you realize you are yet to get used to a never-ending winding road. Not to mention the air pressure difference that often made your ears sound like bees. Not to say that the small roads were not taken care of, rocky, and full of holes. It made me sick. It made me sick until I felt like vomiting. Finally in 2013, I learned about self-arrogance, lack of preparation, too high expectation, betrayal (ups... that's a strong word), and lonesome. Well, I did have lots of fun though. I traveled, I went out a lot with friends, I got to buy what I want to buy. But, maybe reaching twenties makes me forget the goods easier and worry more. Maybe.

By the very end of 2013, as I always did during exam period, I got obsessed with this guy named John Mayer who happened to sing The Age of Worry. He's famous apparently (and I blame myself for not being a fan of him since long time ago). It is an old song, really, and I swear to God I've listened to that song before. It was just that I didn't really pay attention to the lyrics. It became something when I realized the fact that I listened to the song again, at the right time and in the right mood. I felt like, well... I'm in my age of worry. And one of the lines there goes, "And worry, why should I care?"



So, I opened 2014 by literally singing that song (as if I don't sing non-stop every day). Being twenties probably is still hard for me, even until this very moment. Expectations running around your nose, my own idealistic expectations of myself, dreams about dream job and work-life, the cruel reality that media love to show every single second through Twitter, Facebook, TV, or whatever they are called, questions about the existence of love (Oh, probably not love, but romance. Yes, the existence of true romance), the guts of being in love and loved, the desire to be your-very-own-self while society spins like tornado erasing what you really are. See, so many stuffs running around inside the head of this girl in her early twenties producing hormones of worry. But, worry, why should I care?

Well, at last, I hope I am more prepared to face these other eleven months ahead. Resolutions are made. Some of them are simple, some I don't even know how to make it work. But, I can just give my heart and change my mind. I'm allowed to do it. I know I will still over-think, as I always did. But, let's make friends with what we are. I know it's still going to be bumpy ride on a long winding road and I'm still an amateur. But, let's just be an amateur truck driver who wants to soon let got his "amateur" title. Let's just live in the age worry, make good friend with it before finally say, "Worry, get out of here!"


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